Driving me wild - One Shot
by SowaCwaniak
Summary: Shego has a moment of honesty as she cannot fall asleep. A moment to think about her personal life, no one ever thought or cared about. As it seems, there is more to being the most powerful woman on a globe. One shot. Kigo.
1. Driving me wild

_Disclaimer: I do not own the show or any of the characters. Don't sue._

**Driving me wild**

_A/N: It's a one shot. For the first time I'll be using a first person narrative. Hope you will like it. It's just a way to take my mind of my drama._

"She's driving me wild" I thought as I looked at those feminine curves under the bed sheet. Her red hair were threwn across the pillow and half of my face, bringing delicate coconut scent to my nostrils. She turned around. I felt her rear cuddling onto my loins. A chill thrill crossed my spine. It was almost painful. I used all my self control not to grab her. It was all so complicated, painful and now... unbearable.

I met Kim a couple of years back. When I first saw her she was surrounded by flames. It seemed as if a Demon ascended from Hell to take my soul. Her bright eyes were looking at me, piercing my dark soul. But back then we had other relations and I was in a relationship. I went away for couple of months, showing myself only for job. And every time I have been seeing her something moved inside me. Almost as if my heart begun to pound again.

I have returned after ten months just to pick up my partner and to move away from this nightmarish place. Even my aweful boss could not stop me. I wanted to start my life over. Some friends organized a farewell party. Well, my partner's friends as I did not have any of my own. In the middle of nowhere, somewhere between the fireplace and ruins of old buildings people were having fun. Suprisingly there she was. Looking at me mysteriously. She asked me to come with her. I was worried she want to fight me out of this place, but no. She took me to the side of ruined building and looked at me with watering eyes. She told me she will miss me. "You are one of three most important women in my life" she said and hugged me. I was completely confused. She wipped on my shoulder, so I hugged her and cherished that simple moment. I knew I was already promised to someone else, but my heart could not accept it. I silenced it and my disgraceful feelings. We went away.

Even though every day seemed to be lived in happiness and joy, without Drakken and GJ threatening my life, something was missing. Every night when I was falling asleep, listening to my partner's light breathing, I thought of her vibrant eyes; her delicate, yet evillish smile; graceful and feminine movements. My mind was in chaos and heart was confused. But I lived my life on. I understood that I am in love with her and I chased away my feelings to the deepest corner of my soul.

Due to some mishaps my partner and I have returned. I was back on track with my job. Being the most powerful woman on the globe, that was it. But being Shego is not everythng. I had my private life no one cared about. Again there was a party. A welcome kind of one. There she was... the host. My heart almost exploded as I did not know how to behave. The party went on. I drank a bit and just as a form of a joke touched her tigh.

"Don't touch me, Shego!" She said angrilly. I did not understand what have I done but respected her will. Other girls did the same. So I asked her for the purpose of her disapproval. "You're a lesbo, Shego" She pointed out and I felt like a leper. I moved away. I moved back into the darkness where I belonged. Yet when she was hurt or feeling unwell she came asking me for help. Not anyone else. It caused only more confusion in my heart.

Soon my relationship has begun to get messy and connection with my partner has begun to shred. So all of a sudden my partner broke up with me. As a kind of separation. I was coming back from a mission... stealing something from radio engineers. All messy, burned and... just looking like shit. I walked into K's apartment hoping... no! Wishing for a confession. We had a talk. And all I can remember was: "I won't sleep with you Shego!" How, on Earth, could she take me for such shallow person? I wanted to scream: I_ don't wanna just sleep with you! I love you with all my heart, you blind, bi-bitch!_ But I did not say a word. Just changed a topic and forced her to believe she misunderstood me. Although after a short while something extraordinary has happened. She gave me her friendship. Something I have never had. And I cherished it with all I had. But it did not stop my feelings... unfortunately.

I have been in another two separations with my partner until we have finally broke up for good. My friendship with K grew in strength and so did my love for her. My partner became my friend and life turned out almost fine. Almost... I am Shego. I can burn with my plasma cities, hurt people, do horrible things and live with that. But I cannot find enough courage to tell about my feeling to a girl I love with most honest love. Maybe I am too scared to lose my only friend or maybe I am just a coward. None the less I honestly try to be happy of those tiny gestures she offers me: a hug, a smile, a gentle touch on my head. She knows me from my darkest side, so she had to be crazy to even give me a chance. Though it never stopped me from dreaming about it every single moment of my life.

So I got stuck under covers with her. Thinking of the longest hug she has ever offerd me as she misundestood my feelings toward her with sadness after breakup; enjoying the fact she allowed me to hug her underneath the covers. Thinking of everytime she sang, danced and... well, she was just being Kim. She is sleeping soundly while I have these thoughts. Even while she sleeps I am too scared to caress her cheek or touch her hand as I recpect her in every possible way. I want and always will protect her, help her in any way she pleases to. I am for her and always will. No matter how the future will turn up for us. So I just lay on her chest as she allowed me to and listen to her heart hoping, wishing and praying that one day it will beat for me.

_A/N: Don't ask... just enjoy ;)_

_Sova_


	2. Driving me crazy

Driving me wild II – Driving me crazy

_Disclaimer: I do not own the show or any of the characters._

Finally I can look at my reflection in the mirror without shame. I finally found guts to tell her how I feel. All hail Shego! All mighty, powerful and... scared of her own feelings. Ever since I spoke my mind things got different. My friendship with Kim is maintained, but there was created a rift between us. A giant hole that occasionally drives us apart and sometimes brings us back together. As if she loved to be admired by me. I have these thoughts that she is taunting me on purpose for her own pleasure and wild satisfaction. And the worst part? I do not mind at all.

Those moments when she allows me to cuddle with her on the couch, just lying on her chest and listening to the steady pounds of her heart. Nothing makes me more content and calm. Although the moment I have to let go of her is like ripping a piece of my soul... the soul I sacrificed for her ages ago. And even though I still keep thinking about her words: "I cannot give you happiness (...), I want you to find happiness (...), But don't force yourself...". In my mind it seems as if she wants to give me freedom and keep me, all at the same time. As if she is scared of compromising her own feelings. Well, how can I blame her? I am a villain after all. Her image would have been ruined. She chose tough job to compromise it with romantic life. But I want to stay by her side until the end. She never said she shares my feelings, but she also never denied them. And that gives me hope. A hope that keeps me running. Even though it sometimes got crushed by the cruel world it still manages to recreate itself over and over again, just like a Phoenix. Though sometimes there are days like today when all I would ever hope for is ripping my heart of off my chest and throw it away.

After great evening with movies and "couch-cuddling" I had one of the worst nights I can recall. After two nightmares, mostly consisting some dark figure standing next to my bed and staring at us, I was awaken by a painful nudge. I fired up my plasma just to notice that Kim was having a nightmare. She was mumbling something incomprehensible. All of a sudden I hear loud and clear: "Don't leave me, Shego!". The moment I wanted to hug her and assure I am not going anywhere she added: "I... you too...". I was so shocked I have not noticed when she has turned around and go back to sleep. I moved away and did the same. But then, the worst thing happened. I opened my eyes and was still in my bed. With the small difference - Kim was cuddling me. That happens, like never. I turned toward her and she caressed my cheek. I was completely confused. All of a sudden she kissed me delicately. It started off slowly, but gained more passion with every passing second. I had to stop her. I could not do it. Throughout the years of knowing her I placed her figure on pedestal like some sort of Goddess. I was scared to hug her, not even thinking about anything else. I told her so and she backed away. I placed my head on the pillow and closed my eyes. I opened them second later and noticed Kim sleeping peacefully next to me. I smiled happily, wanted to kiss her forehead and that was when it hit me. It was only a dream! One, fucked up, realistic dream that left me on the verge of mental endurance. A painful and hollow emptiness entered my heart and I wanted to burn something so badly. I still could feel her touch on my body, her delicate lips on my own... Kim's nightmarish mumble must have played with my subconscious. I turned away from her and stared at the mirror placed next to my bed. I kept that pose for hours, watching my defeated form... defeated by my own mind. When I finally managed to fall back to sleep my mind continued to play tricks with my conscience and moral code. Never was I happy to be awake like that morning.

Everyone knows I am not a morning person. Being grumpy is my thing, especially before I drink my first cup of coffee. During breakfast I told her what she said during the night. I did not see anything in her eyes as she was exhausted as well, having nightmares most of the night. But she still did not deny having any feelings for me. As for me... the emptiness in my heart was almost painful. Even after the morning shower I could still feel her warmth and scent on my body. It was infuriating and driving me crazy. I wanted to hold her hand, to hug her, look into her eyes... but I was too frightened to even speak up. Before I could do anything her communicator went of and she had to leave. I wanted to stop her, but her ride would not accept any tardiness. She hugged me goodbye and ran off. I did not want to let go off her. The door closed behind her and I felt like she took my soul with her. I fell to my knees and cried my eyes out; angry with myself and my playful mind. My sorrow quickly turned into fury so I left my house to let some steam out*. And even though now I look at the past with clearer head I still keep wondering: "What feelings is she hiding? I still have hope..."

_A/N: It's a sequel to "Driving Me Wild – One Shot" story I made some time ago. Due to my studies I have no time for any better story so, forgive me, I started using FF as a remedy. *It's my way of letting the steam out. I still hope you like it and who knows, maybe it will turn out to be a longer story ;]_

_Respectfully_

_Sova_


End file.
